I heard something the other day that has really stuck with me. Been Rolling it around in my head for days. So I thought I would write about it. This process of writing has really been an extraordinary process. As you read my posts it might seem like I’m telling you something, something I know. That’s far from the truth of it. You see what I am sharing with you is my experience. Nothing I say is original. Everything I say is something I have heard in a meeting, or have been told by a wise person who has crossed my path or from one of the million books and videos I’ve consumed on self-improvement and enlightenment. The difference between listening and executing is key. The shift from listening and actually implementing what I have heard has only happened due to sheer desperation to change my life. Desperation is a gift. My experience, my painful and sordid past, has become my greatest asset. By sharing my past and my experience in order to help someone else makes it all worthwhile.
One of the many attributes I have gained through my sobriety, though fleeting, is humility. I remember the first time I realized “I don’t know”. I really don’t know. I think I know, I might even tell you I know, but I don’t really know anything. I am learning and changing everyday. Writing these blog posts has enlarged my spiritual condition. I learn something every time I write one and every time I get a comment or a question. I’m enjoying it.
That leads me to what I heard the other day…”Outward Appearances versus Inside Reality” .
When I heard that it really struck me, so much I wrote it down. I related to it immediately.
In early sobriety I remember right after detox I cleaned up quickly. The body is an amazing mechanism. After abusing it for so long I was surprised I bounced back so quickly …physically. On the outside I looked much better but mentally and spiritually I was still a hot mess.
Now that I have been sober for quite some time again, I find somethings have not changed as much as I’d like. Sometimes I can look great and present myself like I’m doing well but inside I am a wreck. That is the benefit of attending the same meeting on a regular basis. Some people call it a “Home Group”. It let’s people get to know you, the inside you. Sometimes my friends in my meeting can see I’m messed up before I know I am myself.
It’s important for me to be authentic. Try to be honest with myself as much as with others. I can appear like I have my shit together and am ready to take on the world and then go crazy in the check out line because someone is taking too much time to pay. People chatting it up with the cashier, writing a check (who writes check’s anymore?) can drive me crazy when I’m not in good spiritual shape. If I’m not spiritually fit, then someone is going to get it. It’s a matter of time. It doesn’t take much.
I need to go to meetings and look after my disease so my insides and outsides match up. I am perfectly aware that we have all become professionals at presenting the lives we want people to think we live. However, I can’t start buying that idea. I must be realistic about how I am really doing and if I’m not doing as well as I think I am then I need to do something about it. It’s my responsibility. Help and support is available but I must seek it. Take action. No one is coming to save me. I have figured that out the hard way.
You can’t think yourself into right action, you have to act yourself into right thinking.
Bring the mind and the body will follow. Take some action and get the insides and outsides to start matching up. It’s worth it.
God Bless 🙂