Enabler or Good Mother?

A Friend of mine just phoned, he said he just read my last post “Codependency -You are Not Crazy”.  Being in recovery himself, he said it was spot on and funny to boot.  Only an Alcoholic/Addict would laugh at that post.  It’s the same in meetings.  A newcomer could be telling the most disastrous story and everyone else in the room will laugh.  We of course are not laughing at him , we are laughing with him.  “Been there, done that” sort of thing.

Anyway, I told him that he might think it was funny but somewhere out there a mother would read it and finally know she is not alone.  His response was classic.  So perfect that I had to sit down and share it with you.

He said that if back in the day his mother would have read that she never would have believed it.  In fact, she would have contacted me and ripped me to shreds.  How dare you?  You don’t know my son, he’s a good boy?.

His mother, god rest her soul, was a major co dependent.  But you couldn’t tell her that, nor could you tell her one bad thing about her drug addicted, incarcerated son. She would do anything for him, she was his biggest fan.

Perfect example of a family disease.  The person who is the dancing partner of the Alcoholic/Addict is sometimes as sick as they are. They may experience the same delusion and denial that the Alcoholic/Addict does.   They are trying to run the show, keep everything going, make sure everything is going along as planned.  They will try to do this with power, usually financial, or with guilt and of course oodles of love.

The results are horrendous.  They become the victim.  The martyr.  They really lose the inner essence of who they are.  And it is just as difficult to discuss this issue with them as it is to discuss substance abuse with the Alcoholic/Addict.

I had someone comment on one of my vlogs about Enabling.  She said she had been trying to get sober for years.  She said she finally was able to get sober after her enablers died.  WOW! What a profound statement.  Take that in for a minute.

The very best thing you can do for someone who is suffering is be honest about the situation.  Brutally honest.  Then seek help and support…for yourself.  The sooner you get on your own path of recovery, the better you will be able to deal with any situation that is coming down the pike.  It also will create a space where the person you are trying to help can get their own help if and when they want it.

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Gratefully 🙂

Karen

 

 

 

 

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