Codependency
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Frequently Asked Questions for the Codependency
First, Pray and ask God for help. You are not crazy. If you have lived with an addict or alcoholic for any period of time and later get that feeling again they are using, they probably are. Trust your instincts. You are the one who is sober, not him.
Secondly, if he is using there is nothing you have to do about it. He is a grown man. My best advise is to make sure that you can live with whatever decision you make. I don’t think there is any reason to call him out on it. He knows he’s using, he’s an adult and he knows what to do if he’s in trouble. Based on what you said, I suggest you see him, perhaps for a cup of coffee instead of a long drawn out meal. Tell him you love him. Leave your wallet at home. Keep your boundaries, you want to tell him you love him, give him a hug but that’s it. If you are not a member of AL anon or Nar anon I suggest you find a local group and start going. Your son has a God, and you are not it.
Yes! This is Alcoholism. People suffer from alcoholism whether they are drinking or not. Alcoholism is a mental illness and it demands to be treated. The most common positive and successful way to treat it is with a spiritual program of action. As soon as someone starts to back up on the spiritual program of recovery their alcoholism rears it’s ugly head and demands to be treated. People treat their illness with numerous methods besides Alcohol, they will trade addictions and use Pot, drugs, gambling, shipping, sex etc. and the result is the same. All Negative. In most cases the Alcoholic will go back to their original drug of choice. It might take awhile but it is predictable. Without a positive treatment for the illness the sufferer will revert to Irritable ,restless and discontented behavior. Once this happens every one around the Alcoholic suffers too. You are right in your attempt to protect your self and your daughter to the events to come. I highly recommend you go to Al anon or Nar anon in your community to get help and understanding about what is happening.
Don’t feel bad. He’s fine and he will come back. You feel bad because you offered help but it has strings attached. That’s pretty normal. If he remains homeless, it’s his choice. He’s not suffering- you are. Tell your husband you are sorry, you just got desperate. Rob will be back. He has no where else to go.
Is Codependency Affecting Your Relationships?
The term codependent is traditionally used to describe the family members and other loved ones of a person suffering from addiction; however, studies show that codependency is often considered an addiction in itself.
The Consequences of Codependency
Learning about what codependency looks like and its consequences is crucial in understanding the importance of beginning the journey toward a healthy relationship with yourself and others. Some common consequences of remaining in codependent relationships are:
- Think and feel responsible for other people—for other people’s feelings, thoughts, actions, choices, wants, needs, well-being, lack of well-being and ultimate destiny.
- Feel compelled—almost forced—to help that person solve the problem, such as offering unwanted advice, giving a rapid-fire series of suggestions, or fixing feelings.
- Find themselves saying yes when they mean no, doing things they don’t really want to be doing, doing more than their fair share of the work, and doing things other people are capable of doing for themselves.
- Find it easier to feel and express anger about injustices done to others, rather than injustices done to themselves.
- Find themselves attracted to needy people.
Overcoming Codependency and Shame
Healing from codependency is a process that takes intentional work and self-reflection. While this may conjure feelings of fear in some people, the good news is that there is a solution to your problem and you do not have to do it alone.
By recognizing codependent patterns in your behavior, through the 12 Steps of Al Anon/Nar Anon it’s possible to leave the dysfunctional state of codependency and its accompanying feelings behind, achieve positive relationships and realize the life you were meant to live.
The support and suggestions you will receive from the Family Groups of Al non & Nar Anon will change your life and provide a design for living that really works.